Thursday, June 14, 2012

crazy hair and other silly things.

good morning!

we've only been awake in this house for just under two hours,
but it's already been an entertaining morning.

elli started off a bit cranky with a crazy head of hair.

we're both a little grumpy in the mornings.
but then the crazy-haired man found daddy's basketball and cheered up a bit.

then he started being just plain old silly.

then the silliness continued into the crazy-haired man's bedroom,
where he decided to camp out behind his toy box and woof like a puppy.

and then other forms of silliness followed:

but after much silliness, it was time to get down to business.
many phone calls to be made, you know.

after not too long, the crazy-haired man decided he was fed up with momma's picture-taking.

so he made a break for it!

and this momma will be chasing him for the remainder of the day.

happy thursday!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


it's kind of been a hard day.

so, to end it on a positive note,
here are the highlights in no particular order:

1. i had a great meeting with my counselor this morning.

2. i showered.

3. i had a two hour coffee date with my husband in our living room.

4. elli took a REALLY long nap.

5. i bought a crap load of strawberries, and had a big bowl of them as a snack tonight.

6. elli cuddled me this morning, and kept squeezing and hugging my face.

7. i got to stare at the pretty roses from my husband.

8. elli ate cauliflower and liked it.

9. i feel understood and supported by my husband.

10. i remembered to use my cloth shopping bags on our grocery trip. finally.

so, there you have it.
when you list the highlights out like that,
it turns out to not have been such a bad day, after all. see?

remind me to do this on all of my hard days....if i'm not too grumpy.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

overthinking everything.

good grief, i just realized i never finished up that april photo a day thing beyond day 3.
seriously? that's as far as i got?!
i mean, i knew i probably wouldn't stick with it,
but i would have expected it to last a little longer than that!

oh well, such is life.

i'm just about all packed up to head back to the twin cities with elli this weekend. jer can't join in on the fun, because he'll be having fun kicking off our church vacation bible school tomorrow night! he's been busybusy getting everything set up over the past few days. even though i realize that VBS is a huge blessing to all of the little kiddos who participate, it really takes a toll on the hubs. thankfully it's only for one week out of the summer, but i just don't think most people realize the amount of work that gets put into it. if they did, i think there would be more volunteer help offered. and since i'm always sure to find a way to make it a pity-party about myself, it's not that easy to feel like your husband is even more preoccupied and busy with work than usual. i swear, it sometimes feels like we're a barely married couple when we have long stretches of craziness like this.

i miss "us."

oh, summer.

first freezie-pop ever!

i'm SOOOOO thrilled for all of the family time we have planned, but i'm finding that i have a lot of mixed feelings towards you, dear summer.

it don't like sweating. period.

there doesn't seem to be much relief to my husband's busy-ness, even though we're on summer scheduling now for churchy stuff.

bugs. oh, bugs.

it seems to prove more and more difficult to entertain a toddler AND preserve your sanity. sometimes it's just one or the other. plain and simple.

i'm more aware these days of the ebb and flow of friendships.
not that that has anything to do with summer, really.
i think it's normal and expected that friendships go through seasons.
i just don't remember being this aware of it before our move here.

don't misunderstand me.
i have great friendships here that are meaningful,
and i value them deeply.
over the past couple years though, i'm finding myself much more sensitive to the seasons
when i'm not as close to friends, or when i'm feeling more "disconnected" from them.
and i'm having a hard time dealing with this.

mostly because i overthink EVERYTHING.
and i'm insecure.
 and i make everything more dramatic than it is.

shocking, i know.

sometimes i can feel a little lost, though.
my friendships back in minnesota are different than they used to be.
those people aren't a part of my daily life.
and i'm not a daily part of theirs.
so, even though it's fun to reconnect, it's just not quite the same.
and i feel that when i'm with them.

so i have these long-standing friendships, that have evolved over time and distance.
and it hurts my heart that i can't be closer to them.

and then i have these newer friendships here.
i've made close friends of a variety of ages and generations.
and i appreciate and value each and every one.
but it's easy for me to question where i stand with them.
especially if i haven't been able to spend solid time with them in a long while.
or if they're busy developing new friendships with new people,
and i selfishly want to be a part of that.
(if i'm going to be honest.)
but at the same time, i don't want to intrude on that special time for those friends.
because it shouldn't always be about me.

i also could stand to remember that i'm also capable of initiating hanging out with friends.
it would be helpful, too, if i didn't always question or assume
that i'm bothering or inconveniencing them.

i think what i'm really truly longing for are those kinds of constant friendships
where it's as if you're "doing life" together. 
an almost daily support system.
where you're actively involved in each others' lives.

maybe that's not actually a realistic hope, though.
that would require an extra big committment of time and energy,
and everyone is so busy these days.
everyone has their own things going on.

sometimes i go what seems like weeks without touching base with people
or knowing what's actually going on in their lives. and i hate that disconnected feeling.
i hate feeling like every time i see someone, anyone, we have to catch up.
i'd love to see someone and not have to catch up,
because they'd already know what's going on in my life,
and i'd already know what's going on in theirs.

when it starts to feel like i'm no more a part of the daily lives of my friends in the town that i live,
than i am a part of the daily lives of my friends in minnesota,
i can't help but desire something more.

maybe i'm just asking too much.


i don't want to imply that i'm disappointed in the friendships that i currently have.
i realize the limits of our busy daily lives and understand that those limits don't mean that i don't have awesome, solid friends in my life. it's just our currently reality that we are busy and preoccupied. i think what i'm trying to say is that,
because i value and appreciate the people currently in my life,
i wish i could have the opportunity to go deeper with them,
so we could pour into each others' lives even more.

Thursday, June 7, 2012


last sunday i successfully completed my fourth half marathon.

i guess you could say i've now completed two FULL marathons....over the course of about 4 years.
i'll just start telling people that now, leaving off that last tidbit of information.

seriously though. you know what's pretty darn incredible?
 the fact that i get off of my bum at ALL and do something athletic.

i ran my first half marathon in 2008.
before training for that, i went for a handful of jogs in college.
and quite literally, other than a short-lived stint in 7th grade basketball
(don't ask for the humiliating details. i'm scarred for life.)
that was the extent of my pre-half marathon athletic career.

pretty impressive, right?

there were two things that motivated me to accomplish my first half marathon.

thing one:
my brother completed a full marathon in college. i've always admired him for this,
and was blown away by his ability to train and complete such a feat.
i remember being terrified for him the morning of his race, and praying that he wouldn't get hurt.
i remember that he wore my bandana that i gave him before the race around his arm.
i was inspired by his ability to accomplish his goal,
and wanted to see if i could acheive something similar.

thing two:
i came to a place in my life where i had a deep desire to accomplish something on my own.
all on my own.
i wanted to prove to myself
(after 24 years of putting off/not accomplishing much of anything i ever set out to do)
that i was capable of following through on something.
that i could push myself.
that i could commit.

and i did.

it felt so good to prove to myself that i could do it.
even though it was hard, i enjoyed the process of training, and realizing with each run, how my body's ability was changing, and i was becoming capable of more and more.

the only thing was...
even though i had the grandest of intentions to keep it up,
i didn't run again after this race.
not for a long time, anyway.
i fell back into my old patterns.
i also had a lot of intense life changes happening around this time in my life, but still...
i was so disappointed in myself for not committing to keeping at it.

fast forward to 2009, and i mustered up some more motivation.
i trained again,
but this time i just couldn't get my mind into the right frame.
training didn't go the way it did the last time.

mile 3 and already feeling defeated.
there were a lot of negative factors playing into my second half marathon,
and it was definitely the most challenging run i've ever completed.
but i did complete it.

and i need to remember that.
it was just really hard to see it at the time.

fall of 2009 was my first half marathon that i ran with a partner.
it was definitely a different experience running alongside someone,
but she and i were perfectly matched pace-wise.
and it helped that our names match, too.

this time i really wanted to set out to sort of redeem myself from the last race.
and i think i did.
we had a great run at a new course we'd never been at before.

i distinctly remember having this big smile on my face at mile 9.
it felt good to feel so good.
does that make sense?

but again..the running stopped after that race.
that wasn't totally within my control though,
being that i got pregnant and had a baby and all.

fast forward to this past year,
and i was finally ready to commit myself to accomplishing another race.

i had a deep desire to get back into running, and this time a new friend to help me along the way.

but not only was my goal to complete another race.
i wanted to acheive a new personal record.

i wanted to beat my previous best race time, which occured at my first half marathon:
2 hours : 27 minutes : 5 seconds

i noticed during training this time around, that i was acheiving faster average paces than i've ever run in my life.

so i was excited to see what i was capable of.
and i did.

running like a dork helps, you know. this was only mile 1 or 2, by the way.

even though it was hot,
and half way into the race, i felt exhausted,
and every single step took more effort than i wanted to give,

i finished.
and not only did i finish,
but i completed this race in
2 hours : 13 minutes : 1 second

and i feel pretty proud about that.

sure, there's things that i wish would have gone a bit differently that day.
and a part of me wonders if i would have made as good of a time/pace, had i been running alone.
but i want to be intentional about focusing on what i accomplished.
and what was meaningful for me that day.
not only did i train well leading up to the race,
and not only did i set a new personal record,
but i got to share the experience with friends and family.

and honestly, you want to know the thing i'm most proud of, after all of that?
i'm proud of the fact that i went for a 2.5 mile run
just two days after the race.
and i have every intention of going for another run tomorrow.
because i am committed to continue running after this last race.
with or without a medal to show for it.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

the best weekend.

other than the exhaustion, and occasional crabbiness,
this past weekend was one of the best i've had in a long time.

my little fam and i headed to minnesota (the land that i love) to visit
family and friends. and on sunday i did a little thing called a half marathon.
(more on that later...)

we had SO much fun visiting with friends.
on friday we had dinner with one of our most favorite families on the planet,
and then had a fun lunch date of fish and chips with a dear friend.

we also got lots of sweet time with my brother and sis-in-law. when i'm with them, there is no where else in the world i'd rather be. i just love my time with them. especially when it involves playgrounds and swingsets.

between the playground, and auntie & uncle's house,
elli has pretty much mastered the art of going up and down stairs front-facing!

a plane!

auntie t - the monkey!

real men swing on swing-sets.

it was such an awesome time,
hanging out, laughing, talking, eating, and laughing some more.
and i am SO PROUD of the way elli warmed up to his auntie and uncle so quickly.
he had a great time with both of them.

uncle d even spent some time helping elli play baseball for the first time ever!

such a big bat for such a little guy!

such a happy face!!!

we were also able to have a quick visit with my sweet grandma.
she's 96 and just the most precious person. i am so grateful that we still have her in our lives.

this photo just makes me laugh. elli was a squirmy worm, and grandma kept patting his bum.
jer's the only one focused on getting the photo taken. ha!

even though she's so tiny, instead of calling her "great-grandma" she's always been known as "big grandma" to the great-grandchildren. i love it!

grandma hadn't seen elli since christmas, so it was a fun treat to have them together.
after getting comfortable, elli and big grandma played a fun game of catch
and then they went for a little walk together.

it was such a great weekend for so many reasons. i'm sad that it's already over,
but i'm more than excited to be making a quick trip back next weekend for
more family time!
(and this time, my parents will join in on the fun!)

i'll be posting soon about my half marathon adventure!

Sunday, May 27, 2012



you don't read dr. seuss while sitting in a duck?


Saturday, May 26, 2012

heart hugs.

nothing in particular going on in my thoughts.

i just really love these photos & thought they'd be worth a share.

i don't know how to do any fancy editing tricks. i know these aren't the greatest quality photos.

elli's messy shirt.
out of focus, fuzzy shots.
dissatisfaction with the way i look

even with all of those things factored in,
these photos just get to me.
in the very best way.

these moments are so, so perfect.
and so very treasured.